Woman decides to opt out of a 40-year-old friend's birthday as it's camping, the birthday girl then wanted to do a dinner at a restaurant to celebrate, but the woman already had plans: 'She’s upset that I’m prioritizing my “ex-boyfriend” over her.'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Aug 11, 2026 11:15 AM EDT

You only turn 40 once, or that's the saying, I guess…

I find it a little weird when people plan a birthday trip or weekend. It gives a little bit of main character syndrome. But I guess it could be a nice thing to do with a group of friends and use it as an excuse to travel or do something fun, like camping. But when you organize something like this, you have to be conscious that some people may not go either because they can't take a full weekend off, because it's expensive, or even because they don't want to spend such a long time with your friends who aren't them. In the case of the story below, it had a little of everything. This user didn't like the idea of camping at all, so when she got the invitation, she thanked her friend but advised her she wasn't attending.

That was always a possibility: people not attending, and when you plan something like this, you have to take it into account and understand it. It's a part of it. But then the story goes on. This birthday girl decided to add a new plan, going out to dinner with her two friends who aren't attending the camping trip. It sounds nice, but in reality, it became kind of a last-minute compromise they were obliged to attend because of denying the camping invitation. Truth is, this restaurant is quite expensive, and this user already had plans of going to it that same day with her boyfriend –they are on a little break, but they are still going to dinner for his birthday.

All this started a whole drama. The birthday girl was mad for different reasons. Firstly, her friends weren't coming to the camping trip, and it bothered her. Secondly, she wanted to have dinner to compensate, and one of her friends is opting out because she has plans with her "ex-boyfriend". And lastly, that same friend isn't accepting of coming to the camping trip so they can at least celebrate together. In this case, I won't tell you which side you should be, is up to you, reader. What would you do? Cancel the boyfriend's dinner and do the friend's one? Go on the camping trip? Don't go anyway and celebrate later on? 

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  • 01
    1 37F am really good friends with Amy 39F who turns 40 this Thursday. My birthday was about a month ago, and I had a small party. Amy made me earrings and left my party early to go spend time with her new boyfriend. All fine and good, I legit did not care. I have been dating a guy named Chris for two years, but a couple days after my birthday we decided to take some time apart while we work on aligning our future goals. Long story short we
    via SlightlyFamousWoman
  • 02
    A tent for camping near trees in the woods.
    via Scott Goodwill

    A tent for camping near trees in the woods. 

  • 03
    we're planning on getting married this year, had two failed pregnancies last year, he just started a new business and now isn't sure on the timeline he wants to start a family. So we are taking space to figure things out. For my birthday Chris bought me a $2k mountain bike and took me to a super nice dinner. Chris' birthday was last week and while we aren't technically a couple right now I got him and gift and we planned a nice dinner for this
    via SlightlyFamousWoman
  • 04
    week about an hour and a half from the town we live in. It's important to note we all live in a super remote area and while there are a couple decent restaurant options everyone's favorite restaurant we'll call "Riverside" is on the other side of the mountain 1.5 hours away and is quite pricey. Amy planned a big camping trip for her birthday for this upcoming weekend, camping is very much NOT my thing, I don't have any gear, and suggested to Amy that instead of
    via SlightlyFamousWoman
  • 05
    me/our other close friend Dee going on the big camping trip that in the coming weeks her Dee and I go do a weekend away and eat at Riverside. It would be a whole weekend of swimming, eating, and whatever. Amy agreed this was a great idea and also mentioned that she might want to do a local dinner with the three of us this week. All this being said, Amy is spending Thursday her ACTUAL birthday with her boyfriend sooo |
    via SlightlyFamousWoman
  • 06
    made a reservation for Chris and I at Riverside on Amy's birthday so it wouldn't conflict with any other day this week. I get a call from Dee last night around 9:30PM telling me that she talked to Amy and Amy wants to have dinner at Riverside (1.5 hours away) tomorrow (Wednesday). I told Dee I was already taking Chris to Riverside this week and can't really afford multiple $100+ dinners in one week. Also that I was confused because I thought our plan was to do a WHOLE
    via SlightlyFamousWoman
  • 07
    weekend trip around Riverside in the coming weeks and that we were doing a local dinner this week. Apparently Amy decided last minute that she wants to go to Riverside this evening. I told Dee last night that unfortunately I wouldn't be about to make it due it the last minute change and associated costs. Like I previously said, I had planned on doing the Riverside thing with them in the coming weeks and can't afford TWO Riverside dinners for Amy's birthday.
    via SlightlyFamousWoman
  • 08
    This morning I called Amy to: check in and apologize that I wouldn't be joining them tonight. Amy is P ED. She's upset that I'm prioritizing my "ex boyfriend" over her and said that she clearly communicated she wanted to do a dinner with the three of us girls this week. I told her I knew that, but assumed it would be something close/more affordable since we had already agreed on a whole weekend away. I didn't realize she wanted to go to Riverside twice... she then said
    via SlightlyFamousWoman
  • 09
    "Well I want to go to Riverside before I turn 40!". This was never communicated to me... she went on and on about how disappointed she is, then asked if I would be joining her for camping this weekend. Which I already told her no and that the whole point of the future Riverside weekend trip was because Dee and I were not going on the camping trip. I feel like she's trying to strong arm me into going camping since I'm not going on the very last minute
    via SlightlyFamousWoman
  • 10
    expensive dinner she decided she needed.
    via SlightlyFamousWoman
  • 11
    A table at a restaurant reserved for two people.
    via Hitesh Dewasi

    A table at a restaurant reserved for two people. 

  • 12
    Flat-Replacement4828 NTA. Even if you didn't already have plans, this is too short of a notice for her to give you. SHE didn't even tell you this; the friend did. Nope nope nope
    via Flat-Replacement4828
  • 13
    Lewca43 NTA. This birthday week bs has gone off the rails. It's ridiculous to expect people to set aside an entire week IN CASE someone decides they want people to fawn over them on multiple days.
    via Lewca43
  • 14
    trilliumsummer So she's still planning to do a weekend away there for her birthday too? NTA she doesn't get to be mad about adding last minute expensive plans that people can't attend/didn't plan for while still keeping the expensive plans.
    via trilliumsummer
  • 15
    FoodLuvN8trSunSeeker NTA This is exhausting. Either Amy is self centered, she always gets what she wants, or your friend group has major miscommunication. It's great to celebrate milestones & cherished friendships, but this whole thing feels so demanding & lacks empathy. What did Amy do after your 2 miscarriages? I'm sorry for your losses. Enjoy that bike!
    via FoodLuvN8trSunSeeker
  • 16
    Fancy-Project-6217 NTA, I thought your explanation made perfect sense. Amy is being dramatic.
    via Fancy-Project-6217
  • 17
    herefortheshow99 No, you already made plans on a day she supposedly had plans. Even if you arent together, its nit cool to just dump someone to do something else.
    via herefortheshow99

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